Ride the Tiger
by Lady Nara
Summary: Naoe reflects on his attraction to his Lord.


Disclaimer: Mirage of Blaze is not owned by me (unfortunately) but by Kuwabara Mizuna and whoever else holds the copyright who-is-not-me. I make no money off of this, obviously. Notes: This is meant to be set somewhere within the first few possessions of the Yashashu- that is, pre-anime. Sometime after Naoe recognizes his unexpected interest in Kagetora, but not before it has gone much of anywhere. Warning: I apologize for my more than probable butchering of the pre-anime characterizations, etc. All I know of it is what I've pieced together from snippets of prequel novel summaries and mostly untranslated doujinshi scans.

Ride the Tiger  


Intellectually, Naoe knew that he was not attracted to men.

It had been a shock to find himself erotically interested in Kagetora, he remembered. After the initial shock had worn off, he had been self-consciously aware of his interactions with other men, waiting with a certain resignation for signs of sexual tension to manifest themselves. At first he had taken his own increased awareness of the bodies of the men he came in contact with for a symptom of repressed desire. But as time went on, he slowly came to the realization that the male body was simply of no interest to him, sexually speaking.

Therefore, Naoe reasoned, his attraction to Kagetora must be an exaggerated form of the usual reaction to the Tiger Lord's peculiar charisma.

Unfortunately, this theory lasted only until the next time he came into the man's proximity. When Naoe stood beside his lord, he knew it was undeniable. He didn't just want to bask in the other man's presence, let his voice roll down his spine and soak into his bones. He was not even satisfied with the recurring impalement that was meeting his lord's gaze. Those eyes, those terrifying eyes, had the power to pierce to his core, to shake his breath from his body and his hidden thoughts loose from the tightly restrained darkness of his innermost heart. He had seen the way that other people reacted to that intense stare: the shock, the pain, and finally, the way they turned away or dropped their own eyes; the women, with a shudder of relief, the men, with a dull resentment.

Naoe himself found that he relished being the focus of his lord's scrutiny. In fact, he found it disturbingly addictive. Was it a masochistic impulse, to look directly back into those fierce eyes, to meet that crushing intensity head on, and long to continue doing so? He wanted to get _at_ the soul behind those eyes and cut through it the way it tore into him, to reach Kagetora's heart at last, and then…

He wasn't sure what then.

If he were to be honest with himself, he knew that this was not all that he wanted. It would still not be enough, simply to engage his master's spirit. Naoe wanted Kagetora's body, as well. The graceful prowl that was Kagetora's gait, the smell of his sweat when they had fought an especially hard battle, the heat from his skin when he was near, so close, close enough to reach out and run his fingers over that damp, smooth skin- all of it sent a jolt of pulsing desire running from his groin to the tips of his extremities.

It made him hyper-sensitive when he was around the younger man. Even Haruie had noticed, though he had taken it as a sign of weakness to the elements. As if something as minor as a frosty morning could send him into goose-pimpled shivering. Far better for the simple man to make that assumption than to observe the way Naoe's eyes had been fastened on the sight of his lord's face, pale but for cheeks flushed with cold, lips swollen and blue-tinged in the freezing air, eyes heavy-lidded and glittering with discomfort. The way he had unconsciously moved closer to Naoe's body heat, rubbing slowly and absently at his own chilled flesh, had certainly been enough to warrant that particular loss of control.

He had tried, once, to sleep with a boy whore. Out of sheer curiosity, and a feeling that somehow this would get him closer to Kagetora. Wondering if, by touching a male, he could see how Kagetora might react, if he would move just _so, _if his low voice would sound something like _that_ husking a moan. Being near Kagetora day after day, he had begun to feel the desire to try some of the things that women had done to his own body on the younger man. Very strange, to find himself turning from absent nibbling to a wet sucking on one fingertip while watching his lord, and imagining taking the other man's organ into his mouth. The thought was so arousing and yet so unexpected (after all, he had never thought of male genitals as anything other than inconsequential or repellant before now, certainly not _desirable_ of all things) that he had been so lost in shocked consideration of this puzzling new aspect of himself, he had almost not heard Kagetora calling him. Almost.

He had thought, upon seeing the whore, that here would be an opportunity to act out some of these secret desires in something more substantial than mere fantasy. He had also been curious to see how far his newly discovered male-leaning erotic fascination would take him.

Not very far, as he quickly found out. The encounter with the youth had been extremely unsatisfactory. Awkward and embarrassing, even, though the boy himself had given Naoe no cause for complaint. The peasant boy had a healthy body, tanned and nicely toned from work in the fields. His eyes were by turns patient and mischievous, and his calloused fingers were both clever and experienced. All this had little to no effect on Naoe- even attempting to superimpose Kagetora's image on the boy had failed to distract him from the real and troubling fact of this strange _boy's _body under his, and his utter lack of desire for it. This had led to the embarrassing situation (which he had never previously had the misfortune to experience) of not being able to "rise to the occasion" during the course of a sexual encounter. While the boy had appeared untroubled by this development, or rather, lack of, aside from his initial concern over receiving the agreed upon recompense for his services, Naoe had been overwhelmed with feelings of humiliation and confusion.

It just did not make sense. If Naoe was not attracted to his own sex, why did Kagetora's body send him into a feverish, frustrating state of arousal? If he was attracted to men, why was he not excited by any _other_ men?

The thought of Kagetora possessing the body of a woman did not prove to be noticeably more enticing than reflection upon Kagetora's current, masculine form. In fact, the idea was strangely…disturbing. His Lord's masculinity seemed as much an essential part of his identity as his too-brilliant eyes. This certainly seemed to be the opinion of Kagetora himself, if his easily riled and almost defensive attitude regarding implied similarities between himself and the gentler sex was any indication.

He would simply have to get over the fact that none of this made any rational sense. Then again, nothing had really seemed to make sense the way it used to ever since he had entered the service of one tiger-eyed lord. His world, his mind, his body- all three he had kept under tight control and the strictest order. With the entrance of the fiery Kagetora, things had begun to unravel, and continued to spiral out of control at a dizzying rate. Naoe found himself a bit ashamed that his feelings of resentment and fear were dwarfed by his building sense of exhilaration and anticipation.

Perhaps the only way to ride the tiger was to let it go where it wanted to go, without worrying about where one might end up. It was better than being immediately devoured, anyway. Or, strange that this seemed worst of all, left behind.

_finis_


End file.
